Skeptastic

“Human beings must be known to be loved; but Diving Beings must be loved to be known.” – Blaise Pascal

Just as angels live among us, so too do demons. This is a story about one of those demons who stopped believing in Satan and became Bill, the athiest demon.

I ran into Bill quite by accident one day when out hiking we were both admiring the same waterfall. We decided to continue the hike together and he told me his story of how he fell from being a fallen angel.

“There’s a buddy of mine named Roger”, he said “who still believes that Satan designs video games. I used to believe that, too, when I was a demon. But then I thought, ‘why would Satan waste his time on that?’”.

“Most video games are fine, but Satanic video games are such a niche market. Developing video games is expensive and it struck me that this was a colossal waste of my Satanic dues. In the Satanic Temple they hand around a little velvet bag and ask for contributions.”

“So I spoke to my friend Roger who started mocking me and saying that I must’ve been corrupted by God. I told him that I didn’t believe in God, only Satan. There is only one true Satan, Lord of the Flies. I certainly don’t believe that after you die you have to go to a place with no sex, drugs, or rock n’ roll. That sounds boring and awful. No, I’d rather go to hell where there is consistently hot water and the floors are warm.”

“Video game development logistics are complicated and the market for games that promote Satanism is super, super tiny … I’m sure my dues would be better spent on the holidays. Particularly Saturnia which the heathens have corrupted to be about the birth of a apocolyptic prophet who convinced a few guys that his Dad was God and he was here to save us.”

“Or Ēostre which is now about the same apocolyptic prophet going too far and getting arrested, and instead of defending himself he pled the 5th and was executed by the State.”

“And some of the pagans wear a miniature version of the torture devices he was killed on (usually made of low carat gold) and wear it as a necklace around their neck.”

“Have you ever heard of Mike Edwards? He was one of the early members of a 70’s band called the Electric Light Orchestra. He played cello. In 2010 he was driving his van across the English country side when both he and his van were crushed by a 1/2 ton hay bale that had rolled down the hill of a neighboring farmer’s field. It would be like if his widow showed up to the funeral wearing a necklace with a hay bale on it.”

“It’s creepy.”

“Or let’s preach Satan’s teachings through the schools. How many schoolkids know that Satan stands with them in opposition to this tyrannical, dictator God? Who would want to worship a God who murders babies and asks others to commit genocide in his name? I mean, yeah, they think he created the universe and all that, but then he got really cocky and started asking for sacrifices and imposing rules on them. Oh, and some say he murdered his own son … but that’s ok because he convinced everyone that he wasn’t really dead and was actually home safe.”

“And unlike those pagan God worshippers … I mean, who should I pray to? God? Jesus? The Ghost? The Virgin Mary? St. Peter? No! We Satanists believe and worship only one Satan. Polytheistic assholes!”

“Soon, I started to doubt the will of Satan. I felt that He wasn’t always around, and he wasn’t putting the efforts he should have. Gradually, my doubt turned into acceptance that Satan does not exist.”

“There aren’t many who believe in Satan these days. Those that do call themselves Evangelicals. Once they stop believing that Satan is real, Satan will no longer exist.”

We got to the end of the hiking trail and went our own ways. We exchanged numbers in case we were hiking in the same area again. I don’t know if I’ll ever see Bill again.